Stop This Train

I can't stop listening to this song. It's exactly where I am in life right now. If only I could stop this train or at least slow it down just a little bit....

Long time....

Wow... I haven't written anything in over a month. So much has happened. I don't really know where to begin.

I went home a couple weeks ago. I got some much needed time away and some much needed quality time with my best friends in the world. I don't know what I would do with out my family. I didn't really do a lot while I was home except be with my family as much as I could. Then I came back to Michigan to get ready for our summer youth trip. I was so overwhelmed when i was getting ready for it because there were so many little details that I had to work out and I hate small details. You know when your praying all the time in you head but you not always saying it out loud? well I was doing that all week. I long for my kids to really see something new with God. There is such a bug apirit of apathy and it breaks my heart. I wanted this trip to ignite a fire...a revelutionary fire. So that even when we got back I wanted them to like Moses after coming down from the mountain. Everyone wanted to see Moses because his face had changed. Everyone could tell by just looking at him that he had been with God. That's what I was constantly thinking and praying about. We left on Wednesday for Cleveland. We did a lot of stuff. We went to Cedar Point and then Thursday we went to the Cleveland zoo. Which it was funny seeing what animals different people wanted to see because that animal was just like them. Then Thursday thru Saturday we went to the youth conferenct at house of praise. from the moment we pulled up that were so kind and wanted to serve us. With some of the first few people I met they all said to me..."We are so excited your here we have been praying for you for weeks!" I loved hearing that I wasn't the only person praying.
I thought the conference was incredible. I couldn't get into it as much as I wanted too because of my youth but I still loved it. The music was incredible! I miss being in worship. I miss being eble to really express myself in worship. I was so inspired. Do you know how long it's been since I was inspired? I want to start wanting things again. i want to start dreaming again. I long to start being and becoming what I'm suppose to be. I fully don't know what my kids got from this weekend but I do know that my heart is so much bigger that where I'm at and I'm totally going to out grow this fish bowl.

Well it's been an extremely long weekend and i need to get some rest before I lead worship in the morning. So as I sleep I'll listen to the song that is forever playing in my heart.

Sabbath?

These have been three of the craziest weeks. I've come to realize that I don't do good with out a Sabbath. I know taking a sabbath is important but how do you do that when every single day I have is booked. how do you say no when it comes under your job discription? Yesterday we made the announcement and church. I was amazed how people were excited and not hurt. Maybe it's because their new christians and they don't take offense like some would. It is exciting to see how God is going to do this. Well.....I have to o to staff meeting........more later

Where to begin...

I feel like so much has happened since the last time I posted but, I don't know where to begin. I lead worship for a women's conference this past weekend. It was awesome! We had the Texas girls fliy up. Megan, Sarah, Blair and Rachel came. It was so much fun. They were great medicine. Tomorrow I'm leaving to go to Cleveland Ohio. I'm very excited because I get to see my parents and the Mouers and I get to take a few days off. Which I'm in desperate need of. I'm sure I will put up some pics of the weekend later but right now I need to go pack again.

It was the best of times and the best of times...

Things are looking up. I just enjoyed the greatest weekend with my family and especially my Bubby. Why I don't live near my family is the question of the hour. You know what? This is the first time for me to live on my own. I've never done this before. This is a whole new flavor of ice cream. (that was for PJ) And yet it makes me feel like I'm finally growing up. No longer can I depend on my family for total support wheather that be finacially or emotionally. I'm no saying that because they are no longer allowed to be that for me. But there comes this point of if I can't make it right now in this stage in my life then I will never make it.
And yet I do miss home. I've actually been extremely home sick but at least I have a lot of stuff on my plate so that I don't think about it all the time. I love where I'm at right now. I love that I'm in a search of who I'm becomeing, in whose really going to be my dianna, and where my leaders are going to take me. The sky is the limit...and yet that is not to say that it's not going to be difficult.... it's just new. I like new. It's about to get even better.

Friends are hard to come by...

When I was a little girl my parents were pastors and in full time ministry, and have been all my life. I was the youngest of three girls (at the time). I didn’t have any close friends besides my sisters when I was growing up. I had friends but none that were close to me. I would try and hang out with my sisters’ friends but I think you know how that went. But, I did have this one great friend. We were kindred spirits. We would climb trees all day. We hunted pirates in the wood and searched for bears. We loved racing our bikes around the neighborhood. We lived in a castle (my attic) and ruled the kingdom. Cops and robbers was a favorite of ours too. We always had the greatest adventures and we could talk for hours, about nothing most the time. We knew each other very well and we promised to always be best of friends. Now you may have already guessed but this friend was my imagination. But for some reason I’ve been thinking back to this time in my life a lot lately. They were moments I will always treasure.

As I’ve been contemplating these memories I sit and wonder who that friend really was. I don’t mean to turn this into an overly spiritual story but there are times that I wonder if it was my imagination or if it was Jesus being my friend. I remember a story that I heard a while ago that makes me think in these terms. There was this couple who had a little girl and a little boy. The little boy had just been born and the parents had brought him back to their home. The little girl was a little toddler and asked her parents if she could have a moment with her new baby brother in his nursery. The parents were a little reluctant cause they didn’t know why she wanted time alone with him. But, they decided to give her what she asked for. They left the little girl in with her brother but they took the baby monitor just incase. So as the parents we listening in on the little girls conversations they heard their daughter ask their son, ”Tell me what Jesus is like….’cause I forgot.”

I wonder if those times climbing trees and hunting bears and going on great adventure, if my friend was really Jesus playing with me. I wonder if He was letting me know that He would never leave me. I know I don’t have evidence that it was Him but I have something in my heart that makes me think it was. I have missed having a friend that cared about every little thing in my life. I miss having those heart to heart conversations and those conversations about nothing. I know friends; true Friends are hard to come by. But, my heart is telling me I never lost my first real friend and it was Him.

Good Bye...

Anna's leaving tomorrow...aka...today. I'm so glad she's going and doing something that is fulfilling but I'm not going to lie, I'll miss her like crazy. I guess I'm going to have to depend on friends more than usual. It's so weird. this is going to be the first time that I've been completely on my own. I've always had family around but, I'm going to see what it's like with out that. I will say I'm looking forward to going to Detroit tomorrow. I'll be in a big city which I've missed (Grand Rapids is not considered a big city in my book) and I get to see a really good friend too. It will be a good day.