Doing What I Love....

Oh how great it is to finally be home. I left on a Thursday and got home on the following Monday. Man, was that a long trip. I'm officially moved into my new room. I love being home so much. My room is so peacefule I love it but what I love more is this room....
I'm in the music room all the time. Anyways....I finally got all my christmas shopping done. I'm so excited which is kind of silly because I have not been looking forward to christmas but now that I'm home and with family I've been really excited. Well....I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and an incredible New Year.


Blessings: )

I love Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. There's nothing like sitting at the dinner table all day listening to everyone tell stories and laugh hysterically while grandma tell the microwave story for the hundredth time. We had Thanksgiving at Ryan and Lindey's this year. The last big thing in Houston since they are moving in about a week to Dallas. It's so exciting cause all of us are in the beginning of a new season. My grandparents are finally moving off campus in Oakcliff. They found an incredible place in North Dallas. you can just see how excited they are. Ryan and Lindey are moving to Dallas just like a said a second ago. They are so excited. I'm moving to Dallas in about two weeks. I can hardly contain my excitement. I'm so glad I went to Michigan a couple years ago I've met so many people that I know will be in my life forever but I'm also excited to be in a community again a city again. To be in a place where I will have to rely on God to show me his heart for this time in my life. It's been awesome. I wonder what God is up too?

I have been so slap happy the last couple days. I can't believe I finally get to go home. Michigan has been good to me but it didn't come with out it's challenges. It's been a long and short two and half years all at the same time. I'M SO EXCITED! I'm finally going to be back in Dallas. I'm finally going to be near my family. and I'm finally going to be living my life with me in mind. I know that sound selfish but in some ways it's about time to do the things I want to do. the things I'm going to be fulfilled in. I can't really handle all this energy I have. of course we have to make it official ten more times. I wish they would've told everyone a while ago instead of covering their butts. this is just ridiculous. I've been in Grand Rapids the last 24 hours and it's not really helping me settle down because grand rapids is like a larger version of the arts district in Dallas. Anyways.... I say all this to say I can't wait to be in Dallas again. I can't wait to be home and with people that truly care and want the best for me.......YAY!

through painted deserts....

I don't question my decision to move and search for something new. not just something new but something that's been sculpted just for me. So I'm questioning what's going to happen when I get to the next place in my life. It has been years since I thought of what I want to do. I was talking to a friend the other day and she asked me something like what my dreams and desires are for my life and what's sad is that I don't know. I've never been one to plan out my life. If I could do anything in the world right now with no limitations I have no clue what I would do. How do you find your dreams and desires. I know that God will give us our hearts desires but will he give it to us even though we don't know what they are? I do know for sure that the only way to find what I'm looking for I need to leave. So many people are questioning why I'm leaving and I think this should be my answer.
"everybody, every person , has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they will die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way... Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons." - Donald Miller "Through Painted Deserts".
I feel the urgency I must change or I will die. maybe not die physically but spiritually, emotionally. I don't want to go through life feeling numb anymore.

Seasons….

There is nothing like the colors and smells of autumn. I love this time of year. It’s not too cold but cold enough to where a scarf everyday. Not only are the trees changing colors and the weather is changing I feel like everyone I know is in the midst of a new season or their at the end of a season and next season is going to begin soon. I love that I’m not the only one beginning something new. I’ve been trying to think and imagine what me life is going to be like in this next season but I can’t see what it’s going to be like. Sometimes trusting the Lord is easier said than done. I feel like I have butterflies in my stomach 24/7. It’s exciting and scary and yet I’m engulfed in His peace and I’ve never felt more secure than I do right now. So bring on the new colors and the cooler weather I’m ready to embrace this next season.

24 hours

You never know how much you miss home until your away from it. why is that?
I'm getting on a plane in 24 hours to go to houston to see my sister and brother in-law and my little bubby.
I can't wait. I was ready to leave a week ago. people are always saying to me up here. "Why do you go home all the time?" "Holly your always gone?" i kind of ingore the comments but in all honesty I go home so that I'll come back. I love Dallas and it feels more like home than any other place I've been. But what feel more like home is just being with family. I don't care where we are but if we're together that 's home.
I hate holidays up here cause everyone is with family and I'm usually home bored out of my mind. Everyone assumes I want to be left a lone but they are so wrong. There are time where I seriously hate living here. I say all that to say that I can't wait to get to Texas. I'm sitting here in my office countinng down the hours for when I get to leave. It suck that I have a 3:00 appointment cause I have nothing to do. anyways.....

Greand Rapids....

I can't even express how much I'm missing Dallas right now. alli moved this last Monday to Grand Rapids so I helped her come down Monday then I stayed Tuesday and Wednesday cause I have meetings all day in Grand Haven and Grand Rapids is a little closer. I hate going back to the small beach town. When I'm here it reminds me of home. Grand Rapids is like going to Cedar Hill big but not huge. i miss huge. But I guess Grand Rapids will have to do for now.

Life has been so crazy lately. This is the kind of week that I've had...

Sunday... was Church of course. my band did such a great job they are getting beter and better. Pastor Dina was awesome and more than that our congregation was really ministered too.

Monday...took care of some small projects had lunch with coach (I love her). and then I helped Alli move

Tuesday...I was at our south campus for 16 hours. I had pastoral meetings in the morning then I took care of some not so important things with Lor and Ben. We had a youth leadership meeting and then a youth band practice.

Wednesday...I decided to get a little rest then I went to the south campus again to helped julie get furniture for Pastor Jeff's office and then I helped lead worship at our youth service.

Thursday...designed a couple posters for the church and graphics for out hand out this week. then I got ready for worship practice and edited a video for this Sunday.

Friday...Made sure everything was ready to go for this Sunday since I'm not going to be there then I headed to Grand Rapids to spend the night

Today (Saturday)...I had a 4 hour youth band practice and then a leadership hang out. I drove back to Grand Rapids and I'm now sitting at starbucks trying to recover from this week.

well there you have it. when I say it's been a crazy week that's usuall an understatement.

side note i can't wait to see Linday and Ryan and I can't wait to hold my bubby. One more crazy week and then I can.

Time...

Tonight.....the kind of nights that I love. Mom, Dad, Abraham, Allison and myself sitting together in the living room playing silly games. Enjoying each others company. Soaking up the times of laughter and memories. This is what I'[vve been needing. All I want is time. Time to listen, talk and laugh together.

New Apartment

here are a few picture of my arpartment. It's still inder construction but hopefully i'll be in soon.

Living Room



Kitchen



Where I'll sleep



My Room aka the place I go to create....music....paintings....writing...etc

I can't wait!!!!

Healer

Writing…. is such a new experience for me. I feel like I write like a talk. Pastor Jeff asked me today when I was going to preach. The thought of that freaks me out. I was sharing this with Abraham today over lunch. He kind of laughed at me but I told him that I was like Moses. I imagined he was a lot like me when it came to speaking. He described the way he talked as being slow of speech. So of coursed I used that excuse and I said that there is a reason why I sing and not speak. But I wasn’t expecting the answer Abraham gave me. He said “ I believe God asks of you what you think you can’t do on your own so that you rely on him even more than you would doing something your comfortable with”. I didn’t like that answer. And yet I’m living that out. I’m doing something right now that I never thought I would be doing. When I was little I never wanted to be in front of people ever. I would throw the worst fit when my mom would make us girl’s sing in churches. I would be scared to death but I was more scared of Mom. So we girls would sing and I would get off stage and be so relieved that it was over. And now being a worship leader at a church and helping lead worship in other churches and still singing when mom tells me to is something I never would have dreamt of doing in a million years. But I can’t imagine doing anything else in my life right now. I just don’t feel the “Call” to preach. I have no desire to do that. I don’t like it when people say just because you’re in ministry that you should be doing other things that you really have no desire to do in the first place. But on the other hand I love talking to my band about what it means to be a worship leader. I enjoy teaching my youth how to live connected with Christ in these early years of their life. But preaching………………that’s not me.

Is this wasted time?

I never thought I would be at this stage in my life. It felt like i was never going to grow up and create the life I wanted. But does anyone know the life they want? As I ate sushi at one of my favorite resaurants here in MI, Alli and I discused this stage of our lives. I don't feel like i'm making a difference. I feel like I've been one of those transition people that are great until you get the person you really want. I led worship at one of our other churches this last week. It was fun i really enjoyed it. But, the whole time I was thinking about what the pastors were really wanting. Am I what they really wanted. Who knows I never see or talk to them. I'm realizing more and more each day that I need people around me. Not people who want to just talk about church stuff. Sometimes I don't want to talk about anything important. Sometimes I long for someone to say Holly how are you? and then stick around for the true answer. It's dangerous for a persons whos love language is quality time to be left alone. I hate being alone and hate feeling that the two years I have lived here is just wasted time. Am I going to be another Sara. When I leave are people going to care. Not just for what I do but who I am?

Someone asked me the other day "What do you do for fun?"...I really had to think about it for a second. I can't remember the last time i went out and did something just for the fun of it. Here are the things I call fun. Goding and seeing a great local band...Creating whether that's taking pictures (which i miss more than anything), Painting (which I'm not good at yet but it's still fun), Singing with other people. Making music that isn't for church. This is the kind of stuff I want to get back to doing. I hate it when life is so busy and you realize you've become a human-doer and not a human-being. I want to be who God has created me to be. He created us to create. I believe that with all my heart. So here are a few pictures that i took recently that has inspired me to keep going further.

Stop This Train

I can't stop listening to this song. It's exactly where I am in life right now. If only I could stop this train or at least slow it down just a little bit....

Long time....

Wow... I haven't written anything in over a month. So much has happened. I don't really know where to begin.

I went home a couple weeks ago. I got some much needed time away and some much needed quality time with my best friends in the world. I don't know what I would do with out my family. I didn't really do a lot while I was home except be with my family as much as I could. Then I came back to Michigan to get ready for our summer youth trip. I was so overwhelmed when i was getting ready for it because there were so many little details that I had to work out and I hate small details. You know when your praying all the time in you head but you not always saying it out loud? well I was doing that all week. I long for my kids to really see something new with God. There is such a bug apirit of apathy and it breaks my heart. I wanted this trip to ignite a fire...a revelutionary fire. So that even when we got back I wanted them to like Moses after coming down from the mountain. Everyone wanted to see Moses because his face had changed. Everyone could tell by just looking at him that he had been with God. That's what I was constantly thinking and praying about. We left on Wednesday for Cleveland. We did a lot of stuff. We went to Cedar Point and then Thursday we went to the Cleveland zoo. Which it was funny seeing what animals different people wanted to see because that animal was just like them. Then Thursday thru Saturday we went to the youth conferenct at house of praise. from the moment we pulled up that were so kind and wanted to serve us. With some of the first few people I met they all said to me..."We are so excited your here we have been praying for you for weeks!" I loved hearing that I wasn't the only person praying.
I thought the conference was incredible. I couldn't get into it as much as I wanted too because of my youth but I still loved it. The music was incredible! I miss being in worship. I miss being eble to really express myself in worship. I was so inspired. Do you know how long it's been since I was inspired? I want to start wanting things again. i want to start dreaming again. I long to start being and becoming what I'm suppose to be. I fully don't know what my kids got from this weekend but I do know that my heart is so much bigger that where I'm at and I'm totally going to out grow this fish bowl.

Well it's been an extremely long weekend and i need to get some rest before I lead worship in the morning. So as I sleep I'll listen to the song that is forever playing in my heart.

Sabbath?

These have been three of the craziest weeks. I've come to realize that I don't do good with out a Sabbath. I know taking a sabbath is important but how do you do that when every single day I have is booked. how do you say no when it comes under your job discription? Yesterday we made the announcement and church. I was amazed how people were excited and not hurt. Maybe it's because their new christians and they don't take offense like some would. It is exciting to see how God is going to do this. Well.....I have to o to staff meeting........more later

Where to begin...

I feel like so much has happened since the last time I posted but, I don't know where to begin. I lead worship for a women's conference this past weekend. It was awesome! We had the Texas girls fliy up. Megan, Sarah, Blair and Rachel came. It was so much fun. They were great medicine. Tomorrow I'm leaving to go to Cleveland Ohio. I'm very excited because I get to see my parents and the Mouers and I get to take a few days off. Which I'm in desperate need of. I'm sure I will put up some pics of the weekend later but right now I need to go pack again.

It was the best of times and the best of times...

Things are looking up. I just enjoyed the greatest weekend with my family and especially my Bubby. Why I don't live near my family is the question of the hour. You know what? This is the first time for me to live on my own. I've never done this before. This is a whole new flavor of ice cream. (that was for PJ) And yet it makes me feel like I'm finally growing up. No longer can I depend on my family for total support wheather that be finacially or emotionally. I'm no saying that because they are no longer allowed to be that for me. But there comes this point of if I can't make it right now in this stage in my life then I will never make it.
And yet I do miss home. I've actually been extremely home sick but at least I have a lot of stuff on my plate so that I don't think about it all the time. I love where I'm at right now. I love that I'm in a search of who I'm becomeing, in whose really going to be my dianna, and where my leaders are going to take me. The sky is the limit...and yet that is not to say that it's not going to be difficult.... it's just new. I like new. It's about to get even better.

Friends are hard to come by...

When I was a little girl my parents were pastors and in full time ministry, and have been all my life. I was the youngest of three girls (at the time). I didn’t have any close friends besides my sisters when I was growing up. I had friends but none that were close to me. I would try and hang out with my sisters’ friends but I think you know how that went. But, I did have this one great friend. We were kindred spirits. We would climb trees all day. We hunted pirates in the wood and searched for bears. We loved racing our bikes around the neighborhood. We lived in a castle (my attic) and ruled the kingdom. Cops and robbers was a favorite of ours too. We always had the greatest adventures and we could talk for hours, about nothing most the time. We knew each other very well and we promised to always be best of friends. Now you may have already guessed but this friend was my imagination. But for some reason I’ve been thinking back to this time in my life a lot lately. They were moments I will always treasure.

As I’ve been contemplating these memories I sit and wonder who that friend really was. I don’t mean to turn this into an overly spiritual story but there are times that I wonder if it was my imagination or if it was Jesus being my friend. I remember a story that I heard a while ago that makes me think in these terms. There was this couple who had a little girl and a little boy. The little boy had just been born and the parents had brought him back to their home. The little girl was a little toddler and asked her parents if she could have a moment with her new baby brother in his nursery. The parents were a little reluctant cause they didn’t know why she wanted time alone with him. But, they decided to give her what she asked for. They left the little girl in with her brother but they took the baby monitor just incase. So as the parents we listening in on the little girls conversations they heard their daughter ask their son, ”Tell me what Jesus is like….’cause I forgot.”

I wonder if those times climbing trees and hunting bears and going on great adventure, if my friend was really Jesus playing with me. I wonder if He was letting me know that He would never leave me. I know I don’t have evidence that it was Him but I have something in my heart that makes me think it was. I have missed having a friend that cared about every little thing in my life. I miss having those heart to heart conversations and those conversations about nothing. I know friends; true Friends are hard to come by. But, my heart is telling me I never lost my first real friend and it was Him.